Living as someone who thinks they are hilarious

I remember once attending a Billy Connolly stand up gig and him sharing stories about how it is when you see the world through comedian’s eyes.  Your observations can be interpreted in lots of different ways from “class clown” to “interesting take” to “very offensive”.  Needless to say when your response to difficult situations or just the world in general is to attack it with humour you end up in interesting situations.

For example a very dear friend of mine cannot cope with tears.  Recently he walked into a room where his partner was sitting and crying.  Instead of offering comfort or passing the tissues he said “would you like me to put on a sad movie so this seems more appropriate?” Now this can seem a cold response, insensitive even, but I get it and to me it’s funny.  It wasn’t that he didn’t care or wasn’t sympathetic just that he saw an opportunity for a joke and couldn’t resist it.  I’m much the same if there is an opening always take it, consequences be damned.

Now in the previous example in a moment of stress humour was potentially the wrong move.  Here is an example of one time humour has worked in my favour.  I was nearly in a bar fight once, this guy came up to me and said, “You look like a freak and I want to beat you up”.  Now to be fair to him I had been told that I was going to a dress up party and had arrived wearing brown flares, a purple ruffled shirt, an afro wig and something that resembled a dead giant slug on my upper lip.  Unknown to me the dress up part of the party had been cancelled so I did, as he pointed out, look like a freak.  I opened my mouth to say don’t hit me but instead what came out was“you could do that but I’m a bleeder and this outfit cost me 30 bucks to rent and I don’t want to bleed all over it” he laughed and walked away.

My father once told me to be ready at all times and make the most of any opportunity that came my way.  Opportunity came knocking when I was living near London and  went for a night out.  At one of the bars I bumped into this massive guy who upon hearing my accent asked if I was from New Zealand.  I replied in the affirmative and he asked if I was an All Black.  I said no but that I was a trialist and if it wasn’t for politics within the New Zealand Rugby Union I would have been.  He told me he was playing for England B and asked if I like to would have a few drinks with them.  Of course I obliged and started telling stories of my antics with All Black’s and threw in a few war stories from my days on the rugby field.  IN general I believed I was doing quite well, especially for someone whose rugby playing days were limited to two drunken social games whilst at university. Then I was asked if I wanted to play a game they played when drinking and I answered “affirmative” and they began.  Now I’m not sure what the game was called but it involved punching each other in the face as hard as they could.  The first person to ask to stop had to skull a pint.  I bravely told them the game was nothing and as soon as I had relieved myself I would come back and show them an All Black game that would blow their minds.  Then I disappeared out of the pub as quickly as my fake rugby playing legs would carry me.

I have over the years had a few troubles at work due to my cutting, sarcastic and inappropriate humour.  One time I was working as a caregiver and a taxi driver came in to tell me he was dropping off a child and the child ran away.  I said I understood his issue and that those beaded sweat protecting seat covers were impossible to escape and therefore he would be totally incapacitated and unable to chase after the aforementioned child.  He called me something to which I replied “you kiss your mother with that mouth?” then he told me to do something I explained was physically impossible for me to achieve.  Anyway delaying for 5 minutes to being a smart ass meant I had an extra half hour of hunting for a runaway child.  Was it worth it?  I’ll let you be the judge.

So to conclude, am I a horrible person?  I don’t believe so I think I just see the world through a filter that is mixed with finding the funny side of situations, making the most of any opportunity and dare I say it showing off as much as possible.  It gets you places you never thought you would be.  Sometimes those places are being surrounded by people in a room loving you, sometimes it’s sitting alone in a dark room wondering why you just did what you did.  If I’m lucky most weeks pass without me staring at a wall shaking my head.  The best days are the ones where people laugh and say “only you could get away with saying something like that”.